FRED SANFORD AND SON PREPAID FUNERAL SERVICES.
As we approach this holiday season, we at Sanford and Sons Funeral Home would like to express our thanks in advance for all of you that will drink and drive, kill yourself over failed relationships, drop dead of a heart attack shoveling the driveway, decide you’re really not that old and you can handle that young woman just fine, have a few too many drinks and wander off in the blizzard that’s forecast for your area and die lonely and cold in a snowbank, and generally find many other ways to wind up dead, or dying, or terminally ill, for thinking of us for your final needs. We offer discrete curb service, low cost embalming (50% off if you mention this ad), suit or dress rental, and we can even offer prepaid mourners in any amount that you may preselect.
If you should buy the farm during the upcoming holiday season, we offer free sleigh rides for the kiddies to keep them occupied during the services. Complimentary cocktails for the adults, and pet sitting services for the deceased’s pets. We have convenient pickup using Yellow Cabs so that your neighbors don’t realize you’re dead and burglarize your house, or turn it into a crack house, before your relatives can get there and lock it up.
One Body w/embalming. Prepaid special, $2,900
Car Wreck Special. Up to three bodies w/embalming $3,899
Deduct $28.56 for no embalming.
Serial Killer special, $1,288, add 23.45 for heavy duty garbage bags.
So remember, when you’re dead, just call Fred. Sanford and Sons Funeral Services.
Home: https://www.books.wendellsweet.com
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